As a parenting coach, I meet many families with challenges that, at first glance, seem ordinary. One mother came to see me about her five-year-old son around twenty-five years ago. She described him as a very picky eater, soups had to be blended smooth, and anything with chunks was a battle. He struggled to make eye contact, didn’t enjoy being cuddled, and became terribly upset by loud noises. Sometimes he seemed not to hear at all, yet a medical hearing test showed no deficit.
One day, when she dressed him to go shopping with his grandmother, he had a complete meltdown. No matter what clothing she chose, he cried that everything felt itchy against his skin. At first, she thought he was just being difficult. But as she listed these behaviors, bells rang in my head.
I am not a medical professional, so I cannot diagnose. I referred her to an educational psychologist, who confirmed what I had been thinking: her son was on the autism spectrum.
Understanding Autism in Children
At first, the parents were devastated. They imagined their child would never cope, never live independently, never have a family of his own. But over our first few consultations, I guided them to see things differently.
We spent our initial four to five online sessions focusing on:
- Understanding what autism is.
- The wide spectrum of signs and behaviors.
- Possible causes.
- Practical strategies to manage daily challenges.
From there, our focus shifted from “managing the condition” to supporting the child. I wanted the parents to have insight into the condition, but to manage their child as opposed to seeing him with a label on his forehead.
Signs of Autism Parents Should Look Out For
According to the Mayo Clinic, early signs of autism in children can include:
- Difficulty with eye contact.
- Limited interest in social interaction.
- Strong reactions to sensory input (noise, textures, lights).
- Distress with changes in routine.
- Repetitive behaviors.
- Speech and communication challenges.
Stimming: (short for self-stimulatory behavior)
Many children on the autism spectrum, even those who are high functioning, engage in what is known as “stimming.” This includes repetitive movements such as rocking, hand-flapping, pacing, or tapping. While it may look unusual to others, stimming is often a very important coping mechanism. It helps children regulate their emotions, reduce anxiety, and block out overwhelming sensory input. For some, it is also a way of expressing excitement or joy. Unless the behavior is harmful, it is usually best to view stimming as a natural and healthy form of self-soothing rather than something to stop.
While we address all the aspects of Autism in our online meetings, I am going to share a taste of how I can assist you when consulting with me.
Tips for Parents:
- ✅ Allow stimming if it is calming and not harmful.
- ✅ Recognise it as a healthy coping tool for anxiety or sensory overload.
- ⚠️ Gently redirect only if the behavior could cause injury or interfere with daily activities.
- ✅ Offer safe alternatives (like stress balls, fidget toys, or movement breaks).
- ✅ Support your child by creating calm, sensory-friendly environments.
Small Adjustments, Big Changes
Over the course of 12 online sessions (60 minutes each), the parents gained the tools to support their child positively:
- Mom blended foods to ease mealtimes.
- He was allowed to choose his own clothing for comfort.
- At school, teachers discovered the sound of a pencil on paper triggered his anxiety. They gave him a keyboard instead.
- Because he was cognitively high functioning, he remained in mainstream education with the right support.
- Social interaction wasn’t forced; instead, he was encouraged to pursue what he loved, which was reading.
These small adaptations transformed his life. He worked alongside children, and in time he developed a friendship and slowly started to interact and integrate as he got older.
Strengths, not limitations
He was passionate about aeroplanes and would connect with anyone who would listen or share his interest. His parents cultivated this passion by buying him models to build, taking him to transport museums, and reading to him about different aspects of aeroplanes in ways that were always age appropriate. This is a common aspect seen in children on the autism spectrum. They tend to develop strong, focused interests, sometimes called “special interests” or “fixations.” These interests often become their main focus, giving them deep joy and a sense of comfort.
Children may want to talk about their chosen subject repeatedly, spend long periods engaged with it, and even develop an impressive depth of knowledge far beyond what is typical for their age. While at first these fixations may seem limiting, they can also become powerful strengths. Many autistic children use their special interests as a way to cope with anxiety, regulate emotions, and eventually build valuable skills that can benefit them later in education, hobbies, or even their careers.
A Success Story
Today, that little boy is a highly successful accountant, a director in a reputable firm, and happily married to someone who loves him with deep understanding of his differences.
Had his mother not reached out, their home might have remained full of tears, frustration, and conflict. But with the right guidance, strategies, and insight, chaos turned into calm.
How I Can Help You
If you suspect your child may be showing signs of autism, or any developmental challenge, don’t ignore the instincts that tell you something isn’t quite right. With the right support and strategies, children can thrive beyond expectations.
I offer a free 30-minute online meeting to discuss your concerns. From there, you may choose to continue with my Peaceful Parenting Package Program (12 x 60 minute online meetings), where we work together to give you tools that are practical, evidence-based, and compassionate.
No child should be forced into discomfort or treated as “difficult.” With the right understanding, every child has the chance to succeed.
